Barsexuality is the new black.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The air was thick with penises
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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