can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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