Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
