The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize