FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
