We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
