I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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