i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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