when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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