got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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