Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
