i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
