I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pants are for mortals
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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