I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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