he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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