Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
