she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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