i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
