Your face is a jimmy john
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize