dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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