i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize