Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
