Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she peed on how many people?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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