he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
