420 ftw
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
