there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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