Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
