I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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