happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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