sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
