Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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