I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
