No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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