He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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