I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
