YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
