Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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