You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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