I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize