Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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