All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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