it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize