Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
