she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
