I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
