Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
