you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
