When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize