Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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