God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
