just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
