So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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