did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
