I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
