I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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