I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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