even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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