hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
