Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have tasted many bathrooms
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
