okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
