is your mom at the bar?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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