Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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