I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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