I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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