I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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