dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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