It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
