You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
