I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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