I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
